Just Let It Be.

A few years back an elderly gentleman was under my care in the hospital on a rather long term basis. The man was in his nineties and his wife of seventy years was just touching her 90th year then. The patient, we will name Hairhar, and his wife, Mangla. This couple had three children and several grand children. When Harihar got injured, all three children took time off to take care of their father. Mangla was a rock of a support for Harihar, and if she was away even for half a day, his mood would dive. The patient could not have asked for a better care from his family- and he did appreciate that fact.

In this circumstance, it was usual for me to find a pleasant emotional ambiance whenever I went for rounds to their room. Over the course of the long hospitalization, I became familiar with the natures of all the family members. Without exception, all of them were positive people and there was no artificiality to that. Yes, there were anxieties about Harihar's condition, but all of that was faced rather earnestly. The anxiety didn't linger on and on.

So, one day it came as a bit of a shock to me to find Mangla in an extremely low mood and silent. It was apparent that she had cried, and Harihar's face looked haggard as well. I feared that something must have happened to the operated part in the night and I must have come in a little late- but that couldn't be for the nurse would surely have informed me if there was indeed something amiss. Try as I might, none of the two would come out with what was wrong. I broached questions aimed at ferreting out medical issues but that drew a blank.

Finally, in exasperation and in the fear that I had missed something important that had a bearing on Harihar's treatment,  I asked, "Mangla ji, what is wrong with you? Why don't you tell me, please? You know, I might just be able to do something, even if it is just a bit. Are you upset with me for any reason? Why are you both so low today?"

Now Mangla looked up, locked her eyes on to mine- as I feared the worst, and said slowly, " Doctor, it can just be as it is, sometimes- can it not be? Just let it be. And don't worry, its not about you." Saying so, she smiled a bit and shifted her gaze away toward her husband nearby. He had heard it, and I suspect he tried hiding a wry smile.

Oops, I thought to myself, this  can happen even after the golden jubilee of a marriage is long gone by.

And then, something even more insightful came across; she had said, "Just let it be" - the wisest prescription down the ages so far as feelings and afflictive states are concerned.

That was a lesson for me, from my patient and his wife. Even when all is not as well as you would like it to be, it can still just be, and, that, is alright too. Teachers and teaching can come from anywhere and anybody, I thought.

There is a happy ending to this: that evening when I went for the rounds, all was as it had always been: back to more pleasant states of mind. 

Clean Curse

Some embarrassments last a life time.
This 4 year old boy was obviously toilet trained but it was his first week in the lower kindergarten and he was told he was getting late while he was taking it easy in the toilet accomplishing the only important mission of his day. The boy had no idea of what being late meant so he continued with his fantasies disregarding his father's shouts from the other side of the slightly ajar toilet door. At one point the shouts got pretty threatening for the boy and he decided to make a long affair short by simply sliding his pants up. The father was astonished that the boy could come out so quickly and suspecting that the last part of the job was left undone, questioned the boy about it. The boy lied. The father asked for the son to be inspected- full monty. And there it was in all its pristine glory- the job left undone. The rebuke that the boy got that day still reverberates in his ears, now in his fifties.

That boy, now the adult man that he is, reports that cleanliness has been a death and life matter for him and it rules his life beyond all known concepts of Godliness. He is petrified by any thing whatsoever that faintly suggests his being low on his self calculated cleanliness index - and this index keeps on scaling new heights every day. Obviously he is hard to live with and live upto for his family members now. The curse of cleanliness.

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A sophisticated lady, then a prematurely retired consular staff, underwent a surgery that precluded getting up for toilets atleast within the first 12 hours after being out of general anaesthesia. The risk of  a fall while one is groggy from the persistent  after effects of anaesthetic drugs are significant and patients are routinely advised to be careful and ask for assistance for any toilet related calls.  This was completely unacceptable to this lady and against all odds and with significant aggravation of pain in her operated part, she got up and finished her ablutions, minimally assisted by the attendants. Not only this, she had her bath, wetting her operative site dressing, much to my consternation.
Shyness and dogged insistence on personal but superhuman cleanliness was the drive behind this rather completely bypass-able situation. We will never know if she was embarrassed in her childhood; but chances are she came from a family of cleanliness freaks. The curse again.

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Now about a freak himself. This man consulted me after having consulted  a few doctors for a shoulder condition. He said he understood that his condition had only one solution- surgery. However, he said he could not tolerate personal stink that he feared would arise if he did not clean himself on the operated side. I reassured him that even that was possible- the cleaning. But then he said his standards of cleaning were such that he had to raise his arm to clean himself; and that - atleast in the first few weeks postoperatively- was forbidden in his case or else the surgery would come undone. He said he would rather live  with a dysfunctional shoulder than tolerate personal body odor.
Seeing that things would not work out in a manner of his liking, he got up to leave; as he was stepping out of the room, he declared, "doc, the day I stink, I will jump off from a train and finish my life."
He worked by liaising with the railway ministry, facilitating contractors- an unclean job done by an ultra-clean man. The Clean Curse.

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Are you this  clean? I hope not- be blessed!

Though an unhygienic life style takes it toll, people with obsession about cleanliness suffer no less.
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Note:
India is bang on in its mission of 'Swachh Bharat'. The purpose of this post is different. The writer hopes that this comes through.