A few years back an elderly gentleman was under my care in the hospital on a rather long term basis. The man was in his nineties and his wife of seventy years was just touching her 90th year then. The patient, we will name Hairhar, and his wife, Mangla. This couple had three children and several grand children. When Harihar got injured, all three children took time off to take care of their father. Mangla was a rock of a support for Harihar, and if she was away even for half a day, his mood would dive. The patient could not have asked for a better care from his family- and he did appreciate that fact.
In this circumstance, it was usual for me to find a pleasant emotional ambiance whenever I went for rounds to their room. Over the course of the long hospitalization, I became familiar with the natures of all the family members. Without exception, all of them were positive people and there was no artificiality to that. Yes, there were anxieties about Harihar's condition, but all of that was faced rather earnestly. The anxiety didn't linger on and on.
So, one day it came as a bit of a shock to me to find Mangla in an extremely low mood and silent. It was apparent that she had cried, and Harihar's face looked haggard as well. I feared that something must have happened to the operated part in the night and I must have come in a little late- but that couldn't be for the nurse would surely have informed me if there was indeed something amiss. Try as I might, none of the two would come out with what was wrong. I broached questions aimed at ferreting out medical issues but that drew a blank.
Finally, in exasperation and in the fear that I had missed something important that had a bearing on Harihar's treatment, I asked, "Mangla ji, what is wrong with you? Why don't you tell me, please? You know, I might just be able to do something, even if it is just a bit. Are you upset with me for any reason? Why are you both so low today?"
Now Mangla looked up, locked her eyes on to mine- as I feared the worst, and said slowly, " Doctor, it can just be as it is, sometimes- can it not be? Just let it be. And don't worry, its not about you." Saying so, she smiled a bit and shifted her gaze away toward her husband nearby. He had heard it, and I suspect he tried hiding a wry smile.
Oops, I thought to myself, this can happen even after the golden jubilee of a marriage is long gone by.
And then, something even more insightful came across; she had said, "Just let it be" - the wisest prescription down the ages so far as feelings and afflictive states are concerned.
That was a lesson for me, from my patient and his wife. Even when all is not as well as you would like it to be, it can still just be, and, that, is alright too. Teachers and teaching can come from anywhere and anybody, I thought.
There is a happy ending to this: that evening when I went for the rounds, all was as it had always been: back to more pleasant states of mind.
